Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand and
manage emotions, both of the self, and in others. To say someone's an
emotionally intelligent person isn’t a value judgement. Think of Iago from
Shakespeare. He was incredibly emotionally intelligent, and because of
this he was easily able to manipulate those around him. Having a hard time
perceiving the emotions of others, or regulating your own emotions doesn’t
make you a bad person. We all know plenty of people who are perhaps not
the most emotionally savvy individuals, but who are ultimately sweet at
heart. Just think of Mr Bean! Sure, he’s a fictional character. But I
think it’s important to make the distinction between being an emotionally
intelligent person and a kind person.
Still, emotional intelligence is a useful skill to cultivate, through
mindfulness practice, active listening and self reflections.
When I think of emotional intelligence, I think of the greatest television
show of all time:
Survivor is an incredible game, because it’s the most complicated game of
human strategy. The winner of the game is selected by their own
competitors, and anyone who wins Survivor has to be highly emotionally
intelligent, because to win you have to be able to:
Discern whether others are being truthful
Understand other
people’s emotions at a high level
Convince other people to vote with
you
Endear yourself to other people, and gain their trust and
friendship
Lie effectively
Manipulate situations to your
advantage (stealing rice to cause conflict amongst others)
Make a
case for your performance to the jury
Perceive hidden alliances and
social orders
Manage your own emotions under extreme exhaustion and
regulate your behaviour
Not dissolve into spirals of paranoia, even
though the paranoia is justified
And somehow still be liked and respected!
That's charisma, baby!
My favourite player is Sandra Diaz-Twine, perhaps one of the most
emotionally intelligent people to ever live. She won the game twice, which
should be impossible. But when you watch her game, and her instinctive
ability to understand whether people are lying, and to manipulate and
charm others, it’s like watching a new Einstein being born. A skill like
hers cannot be learned. We can only fear and respect her.
